Tattoo's, Piercings and the like

I recently got my nose pierced much to my mother's chagrin. That is actually NOT why I did it given the fact that I am 35 years old. She is no longer the driving force behind my decisions and hasn't been for some time.

I have always felt so different on the inside because of the abuse. I looked the same on the outside so people expected me to behave the same and were often left perplexed or confused by my awkward behavior. I do not do well in public situations. I am completely uncomfortable in them and I'd prefer to never, ever have to speak to anyone on a person level, ever. I prefer shallow conversation and chit-chat over anything else because more than that and I am certain to embarrass myself and show my insecurities. There are so very many.

On the outside I can manage to keep it together for a certain amount of time but it is a total fight and some days it is just not worth it. The damage has been done and the PTSD is permanent. Of course over the years and through treatment things will get much, much better. There will also be days that will be worse again because of triggers, nightmares, etc.

Thats leads us to the tattoos and piercings. This statement is only true for myself so if you have tatt's and don't agree then don't email me..good for you...this is why I HAVE THEM...

It's a deterrent...if I can ward away the initial 50% to 60% people turned off by tattoo's and nose rings then I've saved myself a lot of embarrassment and wasted conversations much less pain inflicted in future bad endings to relationships haven't I? (Now that's thinking ahead!)

Now my outsides reflect my inward feelings. They are different. I am different. I am not just like anyone else...nor do I want to be. So if I put you off with my tattoo's and my nose ring then you weren't worth the time and if you take the time to get to know who I really am inside then, maybe you were...I guess we shall see.

(The above tattoo is my latest and one of my favorite's. It is a "Stop Child Abuse" tattoo and those words or something similar will be added soon.)