We are short on oxygen and know it's just a matter of time before we run out entirely. We need to all hold our breath. The more we breathe, in or out, the closer we are to succumbing. Finally, we realize we have no choice. In order to survive we have to open the doors of the plane and wait for it to fill up so the pressure from the waves rushing in won't over-power us as we attempt to escape. The doors open and at that point, I can't breath, fear has completely overtaken me as I rush to the highest point in the airplane. I'm so scared I can't think, speak.
As the rushing water rises up through the plane everyone runs toward me because I have found the highest point in order to "keep my head above water". They're all shoving in like cattle, some of them even forgetting their small children, as they scramble to save their own lives. All at once, the water is upon us, up to our necks, some begin to submerge just to get it over with. The idea of having to survive something so frightening is just too much to take. They give up. I watch, as soon bodies begin to cover the surface of the water inside of the filling plane.
Now is my chance. I have no life preserver, no one with me that I know, I am all alone. I can take that one last gasp for air and try to make my way to the front of the plane and out of the twisted metal and into the vast ocean. I'm so scared. I know that no matter how big a gulp of air I take in, it will never be enough to save me, but I can't give up, I won't give up. I open my mouth and swallow as much air as my mouth will hold and I go for it......and then I wake up.
I had no idea how that particular dream ended as a child. I can't remember how many times I've had it, too numerous to count. It used to scare me to death...always wanting to fall back asleep and see how it ended. But now I know. I know that I am still holding my breath and still swimming as hard as I can against the current, looking for which way the bubbles of CO2 are headed so I even know which way is up. I am disoriented, for now. The difference is, now I see the surface. I see the sunlight and it's glaring; calling my name from deep in the ocean floor, I will not quit swimming, I will hold my breath until I finally break the surface. This is the only chance of survival I have. Clearly, if I stayed in the ocean I would die.
So today I will choose to continue this battle. One that rages deep within and most people have no idea even goes on. Those that do know it exist are able to push it away because it is too much to take. They are right. This is too much for anyone who has not been forced into it, to take. God did not give them this cross to bear, He in his infinite knowledge and wisdom, gave them a different one. This one is mine and I'm proud that it is. That pride only comes from knowing that I have made a decision to win this battle. I will not only survive this, but I will feel better than I've ever felt in my life. I will have peace that passes all understanding because of the amazing people that God has put in my life, constantly throwing me a life raft, helping keep me afloat. God chose me because He knew that I would do this. Share with others in hope that somehow I can touch you and let you realize there is hope. It begins with Jesus and moves it's way through His people that He has blessed in order that they are able and willing to help others.
Just keep swimming, don't give up, wade through the bodies of those around you that have already quit fighting. There is peace to be had. My peace is coming, soon.
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