That statement could not ring more true to me right now. I am sure for whomever coined that phrase, it held a different meaning but for me, it's the details that almost throw me overboard. The minutia of everyday life with a family and bills and work. It seems as though the "bigger issues" are the ones that I can deal with but the "can I"'s or "would you"'s just send me reeling. Why is that?
Since I truly have no idea I'm going to speculate. Could it be because is that the bigger issues take up so much space in my head that the smaller ones just don't have room? Or maybe it's that the larger ones tend to make me numb because it's just too much to deal with so it hurts far less? Another possibility is that when I'm dealing with my own issues of trauma from childhood questions like "do I have to wear my helmet when I'm riding my bike?" or the "can I have a dog?" (for the 80th time in a home where someone is extremely allergic to pet dander) just seems so petty.
My son couldn't find his lunchbox for school one morning that we were already running behind. Prince Charming had his lunch packed and ready for work when I had to ask him to let our son borrow his. There didn't seem to be any other short term solution at the time and Prince could simply buy lunch if it came down to it, in my mind at least. Generously, he gave his lunchbox over but stated "you need to buy him a new lunchbox." That simple statement just flew all over me. (No kidding, he needs a new one???)
Am I really annoyed with my husband because he made a matter-of-fact statement? Am I really annoyed with my son because it's frustrating, at his age, to be forced to wear a helmet when you're old enough to drive a car and none of your other friends have to? Or am I angry that another child wants a pet? The real question is this, Am I truly weak enough of a person for the details to become so overwhelming that I lose my cool? Of course the answer to the aforementioned questions is no. All of them. I am not annoyed with my husband over something so silly, I am not annoyed with my son because he doesn't want to wear a helmet (I don't want to wear an ugly helmet but it's better than being in an accident without one) or my other son for wanting a dog, I am not weak.
Those of us who have survived these types of traumas aren't weak. Weakness is choosing to continue to avoid dealing with their issues at the risk of hurting their families. When every anticipated moment is an immeasurable mountain and yet we continue on toward our intended goal, then weakness is not something we can be accused of. Most people would crumble under such weight. Few of us truly survive and even fewer still go on to thrive. Today, put your family first. Realize that you will never be the person that you know you can be, unless you deal with the trauma or traumas that made you become someone else. It is the hardest thing you will ever do but the reward lasts a lifetime.
For those of you that love someone with PTSD, I pray that you will understand and love them even when they can't handle the minutia. Realize, first of all, that it is not intended to hurt you in any way. Also know that if this person truly wants to change and is looking for the way out, they will find it. The reward, according to Prince Charming, is being able to spend the rest of your life with someone who's at their best. If you can only hold on for them, because they will fail without your support, and take it one day at a time, you will truly be marching toward freedom for not only your loved one but also for yourself. Imagine the rest of your life holding someone that knows they could never pay you back for the strength, love and kindness you showed them while they were at their lowest. That's the kind of love I have for my husband. When I grow up, I want to be like him. Darling, I simply adore you and thank God for you every with every breath I take. Thank you for forgiving me before the words have even left my mouth. Thank you for holding me up because right now, I cannot stand alone. I do see the finish line sweetie, we're almost there. You are now and forever, my hero.
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